From my fourth floor “flat” I have a great view over Tarapoto. I can also hear all of the various noises that drift across the city – the birds chirping, the drone of the mototaxis, the horrific wailings of karaoke singers and the continually monotonous background static of cumbia music. I love my view. As for the sounds, I have grown accustomed to them, I even kind of like them.


The children's entertainer is a nightmare, but Tarapoto kids are really cool

I’m Going to Strangle the Children’s Entertainer

There is, however, one sound that I just cannot tolerate. There is a popular children’s entertainer who seems to be particularly sought after for birthday parties in Tarapoto. When this woman performs, she uses a screeching, childlike tone of voice. This voice is then amplified to a ridiculous level, deafening the screaming children as she sings her standard repertoire of stupidly catchy songs. You can hear her from twelve blocks away.

She’s singing right now as I type these words. I hate her. She has the kind of voice, whether shouting or singing, that makes sensible men throw themselves off balconies to certain death. It is, unfortunately, the only escape. “Hola niños!” she squeals, “que linda!” she shouts eternally. Then she sings “Rompe la Piñata” for the eighth time and I can feel the bass rumbling through my floor. Government agencies such as the CIA, FBI and more covert departments reportedly use awful, looped pop music to torture prisoners. Hell, if they gave this woman a job they could bring the whole world to its knees.

I love Tarapoto, but I really do hate that children’s entertainer. She is an ungodly curse upon the city. Rant over. Thank you.