Bats are noisy little bastards. Fact.

A few weeks ago, a bat took up residence above my ceiling. To be precise, in a little nook right above the head of my bed. He squeaks, he scuttles and scrambles, then he squeaks some more.

And these aren’t the squeakings of a shy creature. These are some kind of echo-location powered, totally-audible-to-the-human-ear, maddeningly shrill, brain-drilling bleeps of awfulness.


Peruvian bats. Not my first choice for a sleeping companion. I didn't photograph my bat -- seemed too cruel to blast him with a camera flash (photo © DiverDave, Wikimedia Commons)


I don’t know if this bat is confused or just lazy, but he seems to spend most of his time at home. He’s normally quiet during daylight hours, with the exception of a half-hour squeak session at about 5 pm. But as soon as I go to bed, he starts. And he doesn’t stop.

I’ve tried shouting at him. I even tried reasoning with him at 4 o’clock in the morning. He just doesn’t listen. Worse still, it seems like he took my attempts to communicate as a proposal of friendship, even companionship.

Three times in the last few days, he has hopped down from his nook straight onto my bed. I sleep on the left. He lands with a slight thud on the right. He stops squeaking, but I feel his presence, his tiny eyes watching me.

Now, I don’t like bats when they get too close. They walk like miniature pterodactyls (pterosaurs, to be precise) , scurrying around on their little winged arms. That’s what it looks like anyway; I may be anatomically incorrect about this. Whatever, it’s just weird and wrong. And I definitely don’t want to share my bed with one.

peru bat box

The bat box

Thankfully, I have the bat box. The bat box once housed an Imaco iron. It now serves as a temporary, overnight mobile home for the bat. As soon as the bat lands on my bed (or anywhere else in the room), I place the open end of the box near his scrunched-up little face.

At first, he was cautious, but now he knows the score. He immediately runs into the depths of the box, after which I carry the box outside. I guess it’s kind of like camping. He seems to be OK with it.

Waking up at 4 am every night to take the bat out isn’t ideal. Yesterday, I managed to block off the nook (incorporating some soundproofing) and it seems to have worked. I slept soundly last night, didn’t hear a peep.

I’m hoping the bat will come to terms with the separation. Breaking up is hard to do, but some things were just never meant to be…