Twomey’s Lomo Saltado Recipe (Mildly Offensive)

When asked to share his lomo saltado recipe, reigning International Lomo Saltado Competition champion Evan Twomey duly obliged. Rather than lovingly crafting a wonderful recipe, Twomey posted a recipe that he’d previously emailed to a friend of his. Some would call this lazy. I certainly would.

Anyway, the recipe itself is mildly offensive in some parts, but I’ve decided to post it relatively unaltered. Firstly, I guess it adds a little flavour to the post, a bit like cilantro (or coriander, if you’re from the UK). Secondly, I’ve never read an offensive recipe before. So here we go…

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Here is my recipe — keep in mind this is an email I wrote to a friend of mine so there are several points where I try to insult him. I apologize if my recipe offends anyone.

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Key Points for a Perfect Lomo Saltado

There are several things to keep in mind when making a proper lomo:

  1. The onions must be crunchy
  2. The meat is cut small so can dry out really easily if you aren’t careful
  3. There has to be lots of extra juice on the bottom, and if you try to coax it all out of your meat, then your meat will be dry. So you have to make separate juice.
  4. Tomatoes turn to mush if you cook them too long.
  5. If you ever think of keeping the french fries on the side rather than mixed in, I will punch your face.

Rough List of Lomo Saltado Ingredients for 4 Servings

Juice:

  • White vinegar (about 3 tablespoons or less)
  • Soy sauce (couple tablespoons)
  • Beef boullion (one with relatively low sodium). Or you could reduce some stock (this works a lot better, making a small bit of stock from scratch, because you can make a concentrated sauce without it getting too salty)

Saltado:

  • About half a kilo of beef. Use your wallet as a guide for which cut to get. Marinate your beef with a bit of soy sauce.
  • Something like 2 small red onions. You gotta cut these right — cut them in big wedges so they don’t cook too fast and get soft like your c*ck. [editorial note: my use of * in place of a single letter has cleverly removed all meaning from the last word, making it impossible for anyone to take offense]
  • About 2-3 tomatoes. If possible get ones that are a little firm so they don’t get too soft, again, like your c*ck, when you cook them. Sliced in fat wedges, de-seeded.
  • A few slivers of a hot pepper. Julienned. Just enough to provide a little heat and color contrast. This is not strictly necessary but the best lomos all have aji in them.
  • Parsley or cilantro. The Chazuta lady  is from Lima and she is the lomo queen, and she uses parsley. But lots of people use cilantro. Lately I lean more towards cilantro. [editorial note: Twomey often speaks of “The Chazuta Lady,” a woman who lives in the town of Chazuta and apparently makes the best lomo saltado ever]
  • Fries (I think russet potatoes are the best for frying. Yukon gold and red potatoes don’t fry up right). Note: the ones I used in Tarapoto to win the competition were called “huayro”. This was after speaking to some chibolas from the market.

Para Hacer “Cooking”

  • First make your juice. You’ll want like 1.5 cups of liquid, so dissolve a few cubes of boullion in water, and add in some soy sauce and vinegar. All three of these ingredients should kind of meld together and not be too obvious, which works out to maybe 1-2 tablespoons of soy sauce and vinegar in your juice batch. Boil this stuff for a bit, then set it aside.
  • Make your fries. Make them large so they don’t fall apart. I like to boil my fries for about 3 minutes in water before frying, it helps keep them crispy longer. Drain on paper towels and set aside. Make sure to brown them plenty.
  • Brown off your beef in a hot skillet. STOP COOKING THE BEEF WHILE IT IS STILL RARE. It will cook through in the final stages. Remove it from the pan to make room for your onions.
  • Fry up your onions. A minute or two is enough — they have to stay crispy.
  • To your skillet with the onions, add back the beef, and also the tomatoes, aji, and a medium handful of chopped parsley/cilantro, and maybe 1/2 a cup of juice (make sure the juice is hot when you add it in). Carefully mix all this shit together in the pan. Cover the skillet and steam everything for maybe 30 seconds to a minute. (Note: I used to add the fries to the skillet, but they get wet and break. Best to put them on the plate and ladle the lomo on top of them).
  • Take off cover, remove from heat. Pour in the rest of your juice. Now you’re ready to rock — pour this over your fries on the plate and make sure to serve this with white rice on the side.

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And there you have it: Mr. Twomey’s ever-so-slightly-offensive lomo saltado recipe. Let me know if you give it a go. Below is a photo of Twomey’s lomo saltado that won him the International Lomo Saltado Competition. Sadly, this is the best photo I have of the final dish. It was dark. I was drunk. Sorry.

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